Shit look at the time.
If I fall asleep around now, I’ll have about eight and a half hours of sleep before work. Yeah that’s plenty. What else do I have to do again? Oh right, pack my bag. Gym clothes. Wallet. Deck. Keys. Sweet, I’m all set. Wait, did I brush my teeth? Fuck I forgot. Finally hopping into bed, better check if I have enough funds to last the week. Yeah I should survive. Wait will I? Yeah I should be fine. Is it time for bed yet? Finally. Wait, I think I need to pee. Wait do I? Nah I don’t think so. Wait. Shit, yeah I need to. Okay back in bed.
As if I haven’t fallen asleep yet. Did I have too many coffees today? Maybe one more episode. Yeah one more episode should help, I’ll definitely fall asleep by then.
Okay time for bed, for real this time. Wonder what my ex is doing right now. Wait what? Come on man, go to fucking sleep. Nah but do you reckon she’s happy? Yeah she definitely is. Or is she? Time to pee again. Okay bedtime. So anyway, do you remember what she sounds like? Yep this isn’t helping. I think I should go for a smoke, to you know, clear my head with the fresh breeze. Yeah, that’ll help for sure.
Bedtime. Throw out a yawn or three. How good is this pillow. How good are pillows in general. They’re so soft and comfortable. Anyway, how do you reckon marbles are made? Like, each of them have so many different and intricate patterns. Well shit, I don’t think I have a choice now. I guess I’ll watch it on the computer.
How good was that. Now I know how marbles are made. No way it takes that much effort just to make some tiny crystal balls. Wait, before bed real quick, there’s a video suggestion. It says, ‘Pringles: How It’s Made’. Fuck me, go on then.
Okay seriously time for bed. We now only have just over six hours of sleep before work, and that’s only if we fall asleep right now. So how good was it back in the day. Five month holidays away from university, coffees whenever I felt like it with my mates and snacking on whatever the hell I wanted to snack on. Come on, I need to sleep really bad. Want to hear a great idea? Why don’t we compare it to now, what a great idea. Ten out of ten idea.
Yep so that was all fun and all, but it’s so late now. I really need to sleep. None of this is working. You know what would definitely work? Another smoke. One last smoke. Yeah let’s do ‘the last cigarette ever’. If the hype from this motivating epiphany doesn’t help me have just the best fucking sleep ever, I don’t know what will.
How good was that. Okay I need to pee, then bed. Back on my comfy pillow. So comfy it’s pretty much the equivalent of a thousand goose feathers… taken from only the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the prime geese. How good is writing, true? I haven’t written a story in ages, should really get on that. Are my alarms on? I better check just in case. Damn that bright phone light is blinding. Yeah they’re all set, ready to go. That 5 minute interval per alarm though.
Oh God it… is… so fucking… late. Maybe some good chill music should help me sleep. Might as well try it out.
Sweet, that helped a lot, feeling drowsy now. Did you know that if you sneeze while driving, you’re blind for literally 1.5 seconds or something? That’s crazy as. Imagine having a sneezing fit in hay fever season while overtaking a dude in a Corolla on the freeway. Can you picture it? Can you? I need to pee again. Okay back in bed, fingers crossed this is it. Hope it’s not too busy tomorrow at work. What do I have on again? Oh that meeting. A couple of reports too. Should really get started on the more important stuff though, otherwise it’ll all come up at once and I’ll be mentally exhausted. Might even feel overwhelmed with too much work. Oh well, I’ve faced greater odds. I just remembered this time in year 7 when I had to escape my girlfriend’s house because her mum just got home. Literally bolted away from the laundry door. Shit was crazy. Or that time in year 10 when it was exam time, and a phone starts ringing. ‘How To Save A Life’ by The Fray just ringing and singing and ringing and singing and my dumbass thinking, “which of these idiots forgot to turn their phones on silent.” That idiot, was me. Nice to make your acquaintance. Teacher comes up, with fury in each stride, red faced and ready to attack. Reaches for the phone knowing full well I done fucked up. “Good song though.” And she just walks off.
Wait, how the… oh God I’m only looking at like three hours sleep if that. Should I just all-nighter? Nah that would suck so badly. I’ll hate life so much tomorrow at work. Another episode? Screw it, can’t get any worse.
It got worse. Holy shit it’s almost 5:00am and I haven’t had a single second of sweet, interrupted sleep. Bedtime, for real now. But what if I sleep through all twenty-eight alarms? Need to risk it. Anything’s better than tackling a whole day’s work functioning solely on caffeine and slowed motor skills. How good are cup noodles though. How good are noodles in general. Oh no.