Days Of The Week, explained by fries, by Ed.
Here it is, a full blown head first deep dive, my unadulterated opinion on the days of the week, as explained by potato fries.
SWEET POTATO MONDAYS
Sweet Potato Fries.
A cut of fries made with sweet potato instead of the regular and mainstream russet or idaho.
So this is Monday. It’s the start of another damn week, everyone’s coming back from the weekend. They collectively wish it all to not be true. Hence, the fake chip. But it’s true, and the fake chip does exist. You make that morning battle to snap out of your godly, epic dream. Does anyone ever just like, stand there stupidly still in the 6am shower, hoping that the hellfire water would wake us up? Yeah. That morning battle isn’t even over yet, not until you make it through the battlefield of a commute to work. Weaving through all the sleepy and salty drivers on the freeway, shit’s intense. But next thing you know, there you are. Parked. You step into work. And guess what? You won the morning battle. Victorious valid. No need to feel depressed or hate Mondays. Because Mondays in the weirdest sense, brings everyone together. Unity. Look around and realise that everyone is feeling the exact same way. Depressed with mad regret that their forty-eight hours of weekend comfort was over. But it’s that collective thought that gives you a kind of weekday comfort. You’re able to get through the day and once it’s time to go home, that’s the supposed hardest day of the week done and dusted. Conquered, as a team. Okay fine, maybe we can just dislike Mondays.
CRINKLE CUT TUESDAYS
Crinkle Cut Fries.
These lined paper shaped potatoes are thick-cut and made off a corrugated slicer. That’s how you get those wavy batons of evil.
My least favourite type of fries. Perfectly matched with my least favourite day of the week. We usually get it confused with Monday but no, the real villain of this story is Tuesday. You rock up on this day and immediately become acquainted with the sad reality. That at this point in the week, the weekend that just past is long gone. It’s not coming back. To make matters worse, you are so very far away from the next one. It’ll be a long while until you can kick back and enjoy those 48 glorious hours of comfort. You know it. The guy you smile awkwardly at in the communal office kitchen knows it. The lady who cut you off on the freeway earlier that morning knows it. Everyone knows it. It’s just a crinkle cut kind of day you know.
STANDARD CUT WEDNESDAYS
Standard Cut Fries.
Potatoes evenly cut medium-thin and fried once.
Simple, yet so elegant. The neutral zone. The Switzerland of fries. Stuck in the middle. It lines up just right with Wednesday, being smack back in the middle of the week. You don’t hate it, you don’t love it either. Once you pass that afternoon mark, you’ve gone and done it. You beautiful bastard, you actually did it. You’ve successfully entered high society that is, the second half of the week. This means it’ll only get better from here, an end is in sight and you’re finally noticing that the hard work this week has paid off. Well done.
STEAK CUT THURSDAYS
Steak Cut Fries.
These bad boys are prepared always as thick-cut fries, usually recommended to double fry them to maximise crisp levels.
Of course Thursdays gets the steak cut. It’s pre-fucking Friday. It’s a tantalising tease of what’s to come. You’re almost there. You’ve worked so hard to finally get there and it’s finally paying off. That afternoon is when you can finally stretch your legs a little bit, as if you’re pre-heating your mind for a spicy main meal of a weekend.
Here we go. Potatoes sliced gracefully thin, so thinly using a mandoline or a julienne slicer. Fry it to golden and get that extra-crisp.
The most superior fries of all and it shows. It’s no wonder it’s paired with my personal favourite day of the week. Fridays. You’ve survived literally everything the week has thrown at you. Be proud. As soon as you enter the last day of the work week, you’re overcome with a surging feeling of chill vibes. Happy vibes. Hopefully good tunes around you too. You earned it. It’s only a matter of time until you can call it a day and jump head first into your weekend.
Potatoes sliced with what’s called a spiralizer and fried into ringlets. I don’t make this stuff up, but hey, what a world we live in.
Whoever invented curly fries was a straight up king among men. He or she gave no fucks. This unsung hero just woke up one day, probably on one of his days off, stared at some potato and just thought, ‘fuck it’ and went ahead and started twisting those vodka vegetables. Fried them to sweet golden crisp perfection and there, on that day, some human out there created something great.
You know why Saturdays are curly fries? Because you can do whatever the fuck you want on this day. Absolutely whatever you want, the entire 24 hours of abundant bliss is yours. Take it and go enjoy your curly day.
This amazing creation has a special place in my childhood when my Lola would cook it for me every Sunday while I watched my cartoons. They’re these potatoes completely coated in wedges crispy skin. Essentially they are wedges but in the size of the standard cut fries. The answer is yes, it tastes as good as it sounds. Double fry them to enjoy to the fullest extent. They’re literally the OG fries.
And thats Sunday. It’s just really fitting in my opinion. That last day off though, is a double edged sword. Sunday to me flings me back to a day in the life of little Ed hanging out with his grandma eating fries and watching cartoons with no worry in the world. This day demands vibes of chill. But then you realise during your maybe, 33rd or 34th hour of weekend comfort that, “shit I got work tomorrow.” And then that sword swoops down swinging. No original fries. No cartoons. Just the unwavering hands of the clock moving forward, hour to hour. You just lie there on your bed, and try to savour the last hours and minutes of your 48 hours of your weekend as it inevitably comes to an end. And then, rinse and repeat. The cycle restarts.