“You ever get that out-of-the-blue urge to get your shit together?”

“Nah, my life is pretty sweet.”

“No seriously though. Everyone gets this. You’re telling me this has never kept you up at night thinking about it?”

“I sleep just fine. I slept fine last night. And the night before that. Hell, after all this is done, you know what I’m going to do later?

“Let me guess, you’re going to-”

“Sleep. Exactly. And I won’t lose even a wink of it. No matter how pretty you are.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny. But hear me out here. This urge, to get your life together… it like, it hits you when you least expect it. Like late at night in bed, or on the bus to work… or-”

“Or waiting at a bank?”

“Forget it. If you’re not even going to listen…”

“No no, go on. I want to hear this. You’ve piqued my interest. Go on, hit me.”

“It’s stupid, let’s just get all this shit over with and be done.”

“Come on, don’t be like that. We’re stuck here for at least another couple of hours. What’ve you got?”

“Okay fine. Well, I guess it’s just everything you know. Haven’t seen my parents in months. I can be better than that. I can do better.”

“Then go see them when this is all over. There, done. I fixed your damaged psyche. You’re welcome. That’ll be two million dollars. Cash or card?”

“You don’t have to be such a dick about it.”

“Only kidding, don’t be such a stiff. Continue your epiphany of issues.”

“Okay well, it’s just, time moves so fast you know. Where did all the time run off to? One moment, you’re out there in the world, with your family… your friends… your girl… living the life you know. And in the next moment, you find yourself here. You end up in a situation you never thought you’d find yourself in. For me? I’m here… with you, in this shithole watching time go by, wastefully.”

“This place? A shithole? You’re still green, you know that? My friend, my naive friend, let me tell you, the world has an abundance of shitholes much worse than this one. Have you ever been to prison? Ask anybody, anybody at all, that’s the place to be, that shithole… is where you watch time go by… wastefully. Trust me on this one.”

“You’ve been to prison?”

“Don’t get comfy. We’re not buddies like that.”

“Okay you don’t need to answer that. But, if you hypothetically have gone to prison… then why are you doing all of this knowing you could find yourself back in a cell?”

“Did… you hear that? That’s the sound of a very real gun cocking. And that… is what a very real gun feels like when pressed against your face. Cold, isn’t it?”

“I… I… I didn’t, I didn’t mean to… please. I… I just want to go home.”

“You’re a talker. And that’s fine. I would’ve been bored as shit if you were a mute. But I’d highly advise against provoking the one man in this room that can end your life… instantly. Especially before you get your shit together as you so desperately want. Do we have an understanding here?”

“Yes. yes. Please. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Good. Now sit tight. You, and the rest of the tellers will be able to go home today. As long as I get my money and the pigs don’t fuck anything up. You understand?”

“Yes… Yes… Ye-”

“Yes what? Do you or do you not understand?”

“Yes! I understand!”

“Excellent. Now, take me through the plan from here. From the top.”

“O-O-Okay, um, well… the police outside will give the signal that it’s all clear.”

“And what’s the signal?”

“They’ll shoot a flare in the sky.”

“Good, good. Then what happens?”

“Then… then… we’ll know the police won’t move in on the building. We’ll leave the rest of the bank tellers here, blindfolded, except me. You, um… and I will slip out the back, where my car is parked.”

“You’re doing great, kid. What’s next?”

“We’ll then hop in my car, with the police out front on standby. After I’ve checked the car and the money for any bugs, we drive.”

“And tell me why the police won’t follow us?”

“Because… they know, you’ll blow my brains out if they don’t listen.”

“You have been paying attention! And then what happens?”


“And they’ll wait for our signal.”

“What’s the signal? Come on buddy, you got this.”

“Uh.. I uh… I mean, I signal them. One of the tellers, her name is Sam. She has a remote tracker attached to her top. Once you tell me that we’re far enough and that the coast is clear, I press this button on the remote.”

“Good. Remind me what that button does.”

“Just like the trackers we put in the vault money, once I press the button, Sam’s top will be splattered in a blue paint-like substance. This signal for the police that the hostages are released and safe, is Sam running out to the police covered in blue paint. That’s the signal.”

“Perfect. Exactly that. Now stay alert, it’s all about to go down.”

“And… you’ll release me right? You’ll release me after it’s all done? I can go home?”

“Oh, look! Look! The flare. Look at that. Let’s not waste any time. Grab the bags. Let’s get out of here. Hurry. Hurry the fuck up!”

“O-o-okay, okay!”


“Ah, that brisk fresh air. Good, now get in the car. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to hold this gun up at you, just as an added precaution.”

“Just please don’t hurt me. Please.”

“Fuck, wait one second. Someone’s calling me. Of all times, am I right?”


ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK! YOU PIECE OF SHIT.


“Now you listen to me. Hear that? It’s the sound of a gun cocking. And this? These are handcuffs. Now cuff yourself to that pole. Do it. Now.”

“You fucking piece of shit. You stupid piece of shit.”

“Hey, hey, hey… don’t be like that. You should really be nicer to the one man around here that can end your life… instantly, if you don’t cooperate.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m an off-duty cop, just here on my day-off, a nice Sunday afternoon who happened to be here to open up a bank account for my son. You all nice and snug there? Cuffed to the pole? Good. Now sit tight and keep your mouth shut.”


Officer Jennings reporting in. I’ve subdued the suspect. We’re here at the back carpark of the United Bank Building. Jennings out.


“You… I’m going to kill you… if it’s the last thing I do, pig.”


“No, you won’t. You’re going to go back to that cold, empty cell. I’ll make sure of it. And you’ll spend your days in that shithole, watching time go by… wastefully.”




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